u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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