my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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