Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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