Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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