I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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