I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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