The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize