You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
