He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I understand Curling. That high.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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