I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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