i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
