I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
