no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I checked into jail on foursquare
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
