her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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