Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
