my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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