After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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