I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
