Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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