Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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