we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
