Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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