the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
