I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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