Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The uberlube is also flammable
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
