Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
