i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
