Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
