Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
