KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize