piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
