So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
