It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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