My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
