thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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