So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
