Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
