I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize