Yo dont text me then not text me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is Oprah even human
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
