Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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