I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
