You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
