I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
