Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
