i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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