There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
