Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize