No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
