I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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