I am in a vortex of obligation.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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