areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
