Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
we made out on top of his cat.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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