we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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