You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
