the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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