if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize