If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
