you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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