we're blogging at a bar
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
