Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize