i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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