If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize