i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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