i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
