Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
