I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
