Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
