Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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