Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
