I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
