It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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