Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
