is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
