I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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