Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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