i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
