not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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