In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
