Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
