do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
