She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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