Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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