You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Is it because I queefed?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
