I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
