i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
