Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
