I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
