who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
