I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
