I think my fart just growled at me.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
